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By John Hunter

This month’s column presents an odd collection of web sites. I’m not sure how to characterize this first site. The URL is spudlauncher.com. A quick look reveals that the purpose for this site is to encourage people to build guns that fire potato projectiles for fun and, presumably, profit. As with other sites, spudlauncher.com consists of a homepage that links to other things. The logo on the home page reads, "Potatoes aren’t just for dinner any more . . . " The site doesn’t answer the question of why one might wish to make and shoot such a device. But the web page will show you how to make a potato gun, buy a used potato gun (from $29.95), view pictures of potato guns and discuss the relative merits of various designs of potato guns in a forum.

The site presents detailed instructions for assembling potato guns powered by compressed air, hair spray, propane, butane, or Right Guard Deodorant (which prompts an interesting image of odor free potato slugs hurtling through the air). The web page even posts a letter from the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms that asserts the government considers such guns legal.

Instructions for firing potatoes are very explicit.
1. Load a potato in the barrel and push it down to the bottom of the barrel with a dowel, but make sure not to push it in the combustion chamber.
2. Open the combustion chamber and spray some kind of flammable gas or spry (sic) (not too flammable) into the chamber and close it as fast as you can.
3. Aim your gun and press the BBQ button to fire.

From the instructions, I guess that this thing operates like an old muzzle-loading, black powder flintlock . . . 21st century style. One piece of advice suggests that gun makers put a sharp edge on the front of the barrel to cut the potato to the proper size for the barrel. Note the site does not recommend hair spray as a propellant since it leaves a residue in the barrel. Perish the thought!

I suppose that a 10 lb. sack of Maine Russets costs less than a box of 30-30 bullets for the sports minded, but the utility of this device really escapes me.

According to the newspapers, Kenny Rogers played a concert date at Turning Stone Casino on October 5th. This fact, coupled with a suggestion from one of my kids that I look at menwholooklikekennyrogers.com prompted the next site visit. The menwholooklikekennyrogers site appeals to the serious Kenny Rogers fan. The site features a photo gallery of Kenny Rogers look-alikes, a "Kenny" of the month, advice on how to look like Kenny, Kenny corn muffin recipes, and advice on Kenny-spotting tips. This month’s Kenny is radio host Russ Cassell from station WORD in Greenville, SC.

Advice on how to look like Kenny includes, "grow your hair longer than is currently fashionable and if not white or grey, color to match. Keep beard trimmed. Wear a loose sweater…". I wonder what the psychological and emotional implications of all this are. Kenny, "knows when to hold ’em and he knows when to fold ‘em" assures the muffin recipe link. If you want the recipe, you will have to go to the site. I’m not Martha Stewart or Mario Batali.

When I typed in Kenny Rogers at Google, I got 228,000+ sites to look at. This is a real bonanza for Kenny fans. I stopped looking for links on page 21 of the results. For the interested, you can read Kenny Rogers concert/record reviews in English, Italian, Spanish and probably 100 other languages. You can also book concert tickets, of course, at any number of links so shop around. If you want to read Kenny Rogers’ horoscope, you can click on KennyRogers-astrology.com. Pictures, posters, sheet music and more are all available in rich profusion.

I think the most interesting Kenny Rogers link features a connection to a PETA site. Apparently Kenny Rogers franchises a group of chicken restaurants named Kenny Rogers Roasters. In 1999 Kenny Rogers brought his world tour to Florida. As a result of the franchise owner-ship, PETA or People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals "stalked" Kenny Rogers to encourage him to stop serving chicken in his restaurants. A seven-foot celery stalk "stalked" Rogers by attending his concerts carrying a sign which read "Kenny Rogers Kills Chickens." The walking vegetable encouraged Rogers to become a vegetarian as well.

According to PETA, this demonstration occurred because Rogers and representatives of the Ft. Lauderdale based Roasters company refused to act on PETA’s complaints that the factory-farmed chickens used in his restaurants suffer painful de-beaking without anesthesia. In addition, asserted PETA, profit mad farmers routinely genetically manipulate birds and feed them growth hormones, which often cripple them. Smothering, heart attacks from stress, and diseases from overcrowding are common according to PETA proponents. To end these practices, PETA wants Rogers to stop selling chickens and introduce a vegetarian menu in his restaurants.

All this has to be true; no one could make this stuff up. Until next month . . .

John M. Hunter

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